I wrote this post in one go while taxiing on the plane yesterday…
Regent Street, London. Yesterday night
London is an “easy trip” for me: I’ve been there many times and it’s just a short flight away from where I live (Genova, Italy). Nevertheless, after my recent panic attacks every sort of trip started to look “bigger” than it actually is.
I think about when I flew to Japan on my own and slept like a baby. THAT was a big trip. This time, my heart is pounding for what I call a “beginner flight”! This is a test for me. I am planning a trip to Iceland on February and I can’t hide I am nervous, as well as excited. London represents the proof that I can still travel.
One day I’ll read these lines and smile at how silly I sound, but this is the actual situation so I’ll think about the funny side later.
I usually feel a huge excitement during take off. I even wrote a post about it in the past, where I explain how much I love that moment in a flight! But I can’t tell exactly what I’m feeling now.
When you suffer from anxiety, you tend to mistake every feeling with anxiety. I’m happy? I think it’s anxiety. I’m hungry? I think it’s anxiety. I ate too much? I think it’s anxiety. And even… butterflies in my stomach? I still think it’s anxiety.
So now I know I’m excited but I can’t tell if it’s normal (did I feel like this last time I flew, before the crisis?) or not. I will find out soon. If no panic attacks occur on this trip, then I’m fine!
The plane heads to its position for take off. It turns and for a few seconds I can see the runway ahead. I look at it all the way to the end. People around me have no idea what kind of a challenge this represents for me.
And then it speeds up and I find myself smiling, and I feel the aircraft detaching from the ground and everything disappears, the tears I feel stinging in my eyes are of happiness, and there’s nothing left but me and my life.
I see the shadow of the plane on the ground. I’m flying. On so many levels.
Nothing else matters!
Update
The day in London was perfect. I felt so comfortable and happy. I believe travel has a therapeutic effect on anxiety. It happened to me before (when I went to Honduras in 2007 after more than a year of panic attacks and anxiety) and even this time it didn’t disappoint.
There’s no room for anxiety when you’re happy and surrounded by beauty. Because you know, above the clouds there’s always the sun. And I saw it this morning above London. :)
I am ready for Iceland!
Thanks to Traveldudes for giving me the opportunity to go to London on a short press trip, and conquer my fears at the same time!
Love this! I’m so happy it went well & you’re getting past the panic!
Ali recently posted..6 Countries for New Travelers
I’m doing better every day and London was an important challenge… Now I know I am ready for travel again!
Thanks Ali! :)
Giulia recently posted..Overcoming panic attacks: Back to Travel, back to Life.
That’s Great news Giulia! happy to see that you’re doing well!
And also happy to see a beautiful picture of My London! I miss it So badly!
kle recently posted..RTW trip: How did we plan the Itinerary!
Glad you liked the photo! I really enjoyed my short stay in London… for some reason this time it looked more beautiful than ever:)
Giulia recently posted..Overcoming panic attacks: Back to Travel, back to Life.
Glad your doing well. I can definitely relate to the feeling that even in my lowest of lows, all the bad things seem to dissapear when I travel.
John recently posted..Will I Ever Truly be Satisfied?
Hey John, thanks for leaving your comment. I am sorry you have been through the same feeling… and I agree that travel is a great cure (for travel lovers of course!).
I hope that traveling will make me forget about these feelings, that now come and go, once again.
Safe travels!
Giulia recently posted..Overcoming panic attacks: Back to Travel, back to Life.
Hope you have a great time in Iceland! Best place I’ve been so far :-)
Oh Iceland has been on my bucket list forever. Time to go! :)
Giulia recently posted..Overcoming panic attacks: Back to Travel, back to Life.
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Excellent news! It’s so great that that you’ve reached this point and can travel and live without trouble again. And you’re going to Iceland!! Have you ever been? You will LOVE it!!
Sabina recently posted..A Very Sweet Middle Eastern Holiday – Eid al Adha
Thanks Sabina:) Yes it’s very important for me to feel comfortable and travel without trouble. It was very worrying before!
And no, I’ve never been to Iceland (well except in dreams!) and I can’t wait!!!
Giulia recently posted..Overcoming panic attacks: Back to Travel, back to Life.
Good to see you got over the panic and enjoyed London.
WoW Iceland, I would love to go there. It’s definitely on my bucket list.
Freya recently posted..Exploring the North Island, Auckland to Pahia
Thanks Freya.
I can’t wait to share my news from Iceland!
Giulia recently posted..Overcoming panic attacks: Back to Travel, back to Life.
I have to commend you for writing with such honesty Giulia, it’s great that you open yourself up to the world like this to help anyone else who is challenged by anxiety and panic attacks.
I would have to agree, travel really is therapeutic. Now I’m beginning to think it’s the only way I know how to live! My only problem is that I’m not a big fan of flying. Every time we land I put up a little prayer of forgiveness because I can think of so many better ways to die! :)
I think my future trips will feature more overland journeys. They usually involve more adventure anyways, right? (I just hope they don’t involve rolling over in a truck and breaking my arm!)
Dave @ Travel Transmissions recently posted..A Bittersweet Homecoming
Hey Dave, good to see you here!
I agree travel is the only kind of life I know:) At the moment, I couldn’t picture myself settling down. Never say never, but not now!
Oh and overland trips are cool… mine in the Middle East was supposed to be overland/by sea only but in the end I had to fly anyway to skip Syria and for other borders issues… but yup I can’t wait to have a fully overland trip too.
And no more broken arms please! :)
Giulia recently posted..Overcoming panic attacks: Back to Travel, back to Life.